My first day off is offish

When I woke up to my first day off since I arrived I was in a state. I hadn't slept well as I was having unexplained panic attacks which woke me up periodically. I should have slept well as I was exhausted. My cold and the gigs and the stress had reduced my voice to a whisper that people struggled to hear on the noisy streets of Sao Paulo. I felt awful and now I had diarrhoea too. I had finally woken up in the late afternoon and was in too poor a state to go out on my own. The tour had stopped for the moment but my head hadn't. I only knew a few words of Portuguese, I had forgotten were the subway was because it was shown to me when I first arrived and I hadn't retained it and I had a map which didn't say 'You Are Here' so I couldn't work out our exact road was, and Sao Paulo is one of the most complex cities in the world to navigate to the extent that everyone gets lost or uncertain of their bearings at times. The taxi drivers get lost, my hosts get lost, and the locals get lost. Overall, the city is very difficult for tourists to navigate. I am a bit uncertain about going out.

Anyway, I need to update my blog and that will take an afternoon, plus I needed to have a nap to make up for lost sleep, that's the day sorted then.
By the evening time I was hungry and a little stir crazy so I decided to go to the Pizza restaurant just across from my apartment. I had been there the night I arrived, the food had been good and the atmosphere convivial, I'll try there after I finished writing this last paragraph was my plan.
An hour later I was still typing and still promising I would go out after I finish the next paragraph so I thought that was odd. I decided that I was very hungry and needed to go but another part of me said no, you can't go out there! The more I thought of it, the more terrified I became, this isn't right, I thought, this feels irrational. Irrational it was. I must have pushed myself beyond endurance and that now I was beginning to crack up. I felt lonely, anxious, my self confidence had been stripped away and I was left a mere husk, but a hungry husk, so I have to go out. No I don't, yes I do. I wash and gather myself up, checking I have everything to the extent that it appears an excuse not to go out. I take my netbook and a phrase book and leave the apartment. In the lift I am going cold and shivery, then I'm boiling hot. I walk across the courtyard towards the front of the building,
and my heart is pumping in my chest. I walk slowly down the steps to the security gate and pause for a moment. I can't do it (but I must). This is now feeling like acrophobia and it is horrible, I am super anxious now, my heart is racing faster and faster and I feel faint.
I take resolve, open the gate with the security key step out and close it behind me. I push myself away from the gate with a velocity that I hope will place me on the other side of the road. It does and I hurtle through the entrance of the Pizza restaurant and down on to a seat at a table before I could change my mind. I order an unknown Pizza because I recognise the word Broccoli in it and sit back to wait to see what my food really looks like.

This is absurd, I thought I really must get some rest.